Day 15
Decide to take it steady again today. The morning involves the usual doses of herbal tea. I have experimented trying to make this ahead of time in case I am away overnight camping but the resultant brew is pretty rank if left out of the fridge. Force it down to not waste the herbs. Think, not for the first time, that it looks like I am drinking herb pee.
I spend the afternoon on an excursion to a swim spot near Bath with my sister kids and friends. The sun is out, the great British public are happy and camped out practically on top of each other at the small grassy area and no-one seems to mind. I am armed with cashew nuts and cucumber and a pack of plain crisps. Not balanced but a fine mini picnic that will mean I don't sink in the water with my niece in her armbands.
Later meet friends for an evening out. Being outdoors is fine but migrating to the pub later is a bore on the drinks front. I cannot be bothered to cue in a very hot bar for a sparkling water so loiter outside with my water bottle instead. Being surrounded by drunken rowdies is pretty dull too. When you are not drinking you notice that drinkers are less attractive, louder and at worst very repetitive and boring. Luckily this doe snot apply to my compadres but I am glad to exit planet dust and return to my sister's where the fire wok is crackling in the garden instead. Have to turn down some Icelandic liquor but have a sniff instead. Moods are up and down, ranging from fine to very much not fine. My partner Simon is being really supportive from afar as are my sister and her family.
Day 16
Early exit at 7am to hit Ledbury for work. A writer from the Independent is reviewing our company, so our impending group of women on a bushcraft hen weekend are proving slightly more nerve wracking than normal. I spent yesterday morning pre-cooking food for the weekend. Last time I did a minimal amount of this, cooking on site. Although I had a better choice of food stuffs this time around, energy wise I didn't seem to do much better. Its a long day - roughly 8am to 10pm and by 8pm I hit a wall. Earlier I had troughed cashew nut spread delights on corn cakes. Started with 2, ended up as 6. I tried to convince myself it was the protein in them, but I think their naturally sweet taste was sucking me in. Felt a bit fragile at points during the day, when my boss asked me to re-pack the cold boxes that we use due to lack of refridgeration in the woods I squeaked "No give me another job! Anything!" or words to that effect, in a fairly irrational sounding manner. I later explained that my life consists of a lot of packing - re-packing and bag hauling at the moment and I had reached my limit. This has happened a few times over the last month. Got to bed at 9.45pm. I literally lay and didn't move, ususally a sign that I have had it. Didn't even get ear plugs in to drown out the music and the rain and didn't even hear either anyway. I did all I could in terms of food today but our women came indoors tonight as oppose to being out around the fire, due to the rain, and this is always more tiring. It can be very odd to witness a group of people getting wonky when you are on detox and clear headed.
Day 17
Manage to undercook boiled eggs for me and my boss for breakfast and in so doing put myself off them. At times I have over eaten them for breakfast, a meal which I often find a challenge in the gluten and dairy free world without fruit on the menu too. My digestion is a little bizarre again, colourful is all I will say. Energy feels a bit better, but generally spaced out and a bit anxious which could be rooted in several things right now. The day goes well and the group have seemed content all weekend. At the end my boss is pleased so that's good and I have enjoyed everyone's company. I also road tested a new hedgerow recipe today which went well.
I would like to feel a little more upbeat again and have a lighter approach to life but it all seems to be life admin for me right now so I just have to suck it up. Facilitating for groups requires loads of energy (I really do not know how you teachers, Jasmine and Claire, do it day in and day out - hats off to you) and I have used up quite a bit of battery reserves. There is a fatigue element to my situation that I need to manage. Felt a little bored of considering food choices constantly all over again for the coming week and yearned for a bit of chocolate.
Got back at 9pm but motivated myself to knock up a soup with avocado and gluten free baraks (flat breads) on the side. Tiredly missed my mouth with the tinctures and got the herbs brewed up for the morning. Feel OK tonight. I tried a shamanic journey in the peace and quiet of the site after everyone had left earlier. Felt quite hard to do as the rain came pouring in and I convinced myself a tree could fall in the squall on the bell tent. I noticed some "stuckness", areas of discomfort to work through but realised it was going to take more than one journey to work it through. It was a beginnning, and they always lead somewhere.....
Decide to take it steady again today. The morning involves the usual doses of herbal tea. I have experimented trying to make this ahead of time in case I am away overnight camping but the resultant brew is pretty rank if left out of the fridge. Force it down to not waste the herbs. Think, not for the first time, that it looks like I am drinking herb pee.
I spend the afternoon on an excursion to a swim spot near Bath with my sister kids and friends. The sun is out, the great British public are happy and camped out practically on top of each other at the small grassy area and no-one seems to mind. I am armed with cashew nuts and cucumber and a pack of plain crisps. Not balanced but a fine mini picnic that will mean I don't sink in the water with my niece in her armbands.
Later meet friends for an evening out. Being outdoors is fine but migrating to the pub later is a bore on the drinks front. I cannot be bothered to cue in a very hot bar for a sparkling water so loiter outside with my water bottle instead. Being surrounded by drunken rowdies is pretty dull too. When you are not drinking you notice that drinkers are less attractive, louder and at worst very repetitive and boring. Luckily this doe snot apply to my compadres but I am glad to exit planet dust and return to my sister's where the fire wok is crackling in the garden instead. Have to turn down some Icelandic liquor but have a sniff instead. Moods are up and down, ranging from fine to very much not fine. My partner Simon is being really supportive from afar as are my sister and her family.
Day 16
Early exit at 7am to hit Ledbury for work. A writer from the Independent is reviewing our company, so our impending group of women on a bushcraft hen weekend are proving slightly more nerve wracking than normal. I spent yesterday morning pre-cooking food for the weekend. Last time I did a minimal amount of this, cooking on site. Although I had a better choice of food stuffs this time around, energy wise I didn't seem to do much better. Its a long day - roughly 8am to 10pm and by 8pm I hit a wall. Earlier I had troughed cashew nut spread delights on corn cakes. Started with 2, ended up as 6. I tried to convince myself it was the protein in them, but I think their naturally sweet taste was sucking me in. Felt a bit fragile at points during the day, when my boss asked me to re-pack the cold boxes that we use due to lack of refridgeration in the woods I squeaked "No give me another job! Anything!" or words to that effect, in a fairly irrational sounding manner. I later explained that my life consists of a lot of packing - re-packing and bag hauling at the moment and I had reached my limit. This has happened a few times over the last month. Got to bed at 9.45pm. I literally lay and didn't move, ususally a sign that I have had it. Didn't even get ear plugs in to drown out the music and the rain and didn't even hear either anyway. I did all I could in terms of food today but our women came indoors tonight as oppose to being out around the fire, due to the rain, and this is always more tiring. It can be very odd to witness a group of people getting wonky when you are on detox and clear headed.
Day 17
Manage to undercook boiled eggs for me and my boss for breakfast and in so doing put myself off them. At times I have over eaten them for breakfast, a meal which I often find a challenge in the gluten and dairy free world without fruit on the menu too. My digestion is a little bizarre again, colourful is all I will say. Energy feels a bit better, but generally spaced out and a bit anxious which could be rooted in several things right now. The day goes well and the group have seemed content all weekend. At the end my boss is pleased so that's good and I have enjoyed everyone's company. I also road tested a new hedgerow recipe today which went well.
I would like to feel a little more upbeat again and have a lighter approach to life but it all seems to be life admin for me right now so I just have to suck it up. Facilitating for groups requires loads of energy (I really do not know how you teachers, Jasmine and Claire, do it day in and day out - hats off to you) and I have used up quite a bit of battery reserves. There is a fatigue element to my situation that I need to manage. Felt a little bored of considering food choices constantly all over again for the coming week and yearned for a bit of chocolate.
Got back at 9pm but motivated myself to knock up a soup with avocado and gluten free baraks (flat breads) on the side. Tiredly missed my mouth with the tinctures and got the herbs brewed up for the morning. Feel OK tonight. I tried a shamanic journey in the peace and quiet of the site after everyone had left earlier. Felt quite hard to do as the rain came pouring in and I convinced myself a tree could fall in the squall on the bell tent. I noticed some "stuckness", areas of discomfort to work through but realised it was going to take more than one journey to work it through. It was a beginnning, and they always lead somewhere.....
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